Our Rules

Time to give ourselves a break...

Our rules are the deciding factor in how we evaluate ourselves -- whether we feel we're successful in our lives or not. The rub is that we didn't even get to choose our rules...they were given to us. What a deal, huh?

Consider this scenario:

It's 6:30 am on a Monday morning, and we're just finishing up a shower, after having ran 8 miles this morning on the trail. You and I have already done more physically than 99.9% of the population will do this entire week...and it's before 8:00 on Monday morning. You're taking your shower at your place, I'm taking mine at my place. Same activity from both of us, yet we're in totally different places mentally and emotionally. You are ecstatic with yourself, having started the week on a high note, arising early and getting a long run in. You feel on fire, ready to kick ass this week, because you're feeling great about yourself. I, on the other hand, am in a different place. Instead of congratulating myself for a good beginning to my week, I'm thinking about my buddy Lance, and the fact he's probably run 10 miles, and has already done some crazy crossfit type of workout. Lance already looks the way I desire to look. He's not sucking gas the way I am right now, as I shower and can barely feel my legs. Lance is, in fact, probably stretching right now, which is what I should be doing. I tell myself, "you're never going to get that fit if you keep cutting these workouts short, taking the easy way out". Wow. Different perspective, huh?

The difference lies in our rules concerning this aspect of our lives. In this case, your rules tell you that running 8 miles is damn good. Hell, it's beyond good...it's righteous. Your performance has exceeded your rules for what is acceptable in your life. My rules are more demanding. Mine say, I have to not only run like a damn Kenyan, I've got to strength train and stretch, and have 4% bodyfat in order to be pleased. Instead of focusing on what I've done and feeling grateful about it, I'm choosing to focus on what I haven't done, compared to someone else.

The result of these two very different sets of rules is that you're set up to feel successful, while I'm set up to fail...and fail miserably.

Three or four weeks into 90 Days To Discipline, we need to take a hard look at the rules that govern our lives. Most of you probably have never thought about even having rules, at least on a conscious level. The best way to find your rules is to ask yourself.."what would have to happen in order for me to feel successful in my health and fitness?...or in my career? To be a great dad?" Your rules will tell you what they expect. Some may say "I've got to be able to run 4 miles in 26 minutes, bench 350 pounds, perform 22 pullups, and have 6% bodyfat". Tough rules. Another may reply..."I just have to wake up today, above ground". Little easier set of rules to achieve.

This is critical information to have, knowing what your rules are, so we can set ourselves up for success instead of being doomed to failure. The guy who's demanding the 6:30 minute miles and the 22 pullups has high expectations, which is good, but he's probably going to run into some challenges when he's 40. Think about it. 22 pullups at 40? Not likely. It's possible, don't get me wrong, but it's unlikely. By no means do I discourage outrageous expectations...hell, mine are as outlandish as anyone's. But, there's a difference between expectations and RULES. Rules say, if we don't hit this expectation, we're unhappy...or we're a failure. Look at people like Elvis, Michael Jackson, or Liz Taylor. They all experienced huge success, by cultural standards, yet they found themselves in the depths of despair and misery. All because their blueprint for their lives, in how they measured "success" was more than likely, unattainable.

There are two ways of becoming a success, in your own terms. One is to raise your performance to meet the standards dictated by your rules, no matter how ridiculous they are. The other is to re-establish rules that are doable. I suggest a little of both. We need to grow, it's part of human nature. But, let's set our rules up so that we don't have to be overachievers all the time to feel halfway decent about ourselves. This way, when we do follow through and kick ass in the different aspects of our lives, it's more like the icing on the cake, instead of that feeling of "finally, we're doing a decent job". Because when we're not superheros anymore, we don't want to have to be, in order to be able to look ourselves in the mirror.

Think about it...we always take more action when we FEEL successful. We know we can impact this by changing our rules, changing our blueprint. Let's improve, for sure. But, let's also give ourselves a break, so we don't HAVE to overachieve every single day to feel good.

Flip the Switch