Look Around You

We become the average of the five people we associate with most. This is one of the primary principles of personal development. It's found in just about every book, tape, program, whatever else you may run into on this pursuit of personal growth. Never have I heard this philosophy challenged..ever. In Napolean Hill's classic THINK AND GROW RICH, he refers to this as one of the most influential moves in building the life or vision you want.

So, it's a widely-accepted principle or philosophy, yet it may be one of the least acted upon of all the success principles.

Want to know how much you weigh? Look at your five closest friends and average them out..you'll have your weight. Want to know how much money you earned last year? Look at your five closest buddies and average their earnings out...you'll have your answer. It's scary to think about. In fact, when I first read it, heard it, my eyes hit the floor, because I knew the answer. My unwillingness to get out of my comfort zone was hampering my ability and desire to expand and grow.

My life may just be an example of how this works, now...five years later from the point I just mentioned. Can I sit here and attribute my success to the peer group I now enjoy? Maybe. Maybe not. There is really no way of knowing what exactly moved me into action. I know, without question, that my wiring has changed, mainly as a result of my belief in myself and my fully expecting to do well.

What I want to offer is a few suggestions in changing your peer group. This may serve you, it may not. Here it is anyway....

First, you can't pick your family, but you can sure pick your friends. Pretty self-explanatory, I'm sure. But, the latter phrase is important. This will determine who you become, regardless of what you may believe. This can work for you, it can work against you. But, it's up to you...you have control over this.

How do I change my friends? Tough question...maybe the toughest question I've had to ask myself during the past five years of my life. This caused me a ton of short-term pain, but I had to let go. Negative, whiny people destroy our spirit. They drain the life out of every room, every person in that room unless you're accutely aware of what's happening. These are the same folks who shoot down any ideas you run past them. When they hear a plan you may have for starting a business, or applying for a job that's a stretch for you in your current position, they immediately want to bring you back down to earth. They start poking holes in what you're doing, or talking about doing. They insinuate you're not qualified or capable of what you're suggesting. They call it being "realistic" or "practical" and they almost act like they're doing you a favor. Fact is, they're scared shitless, and they're projecting their lack of confidence in their own abilities onto you, and most of the time they can't believe you have the gall to even suggest to them the idea you just spoke of.

Fact is, they're the ones that are trying to hold you back, so you don't pass them by. You have to let these folks go. You have no choice, you must let them go, or they will drag you down into their life, which is usually a life of poverty(barely getting by financially), fear(of being poor or being made to look like a failure), misery(by complaining that successful people are simply lucky, while the world has given them a bad hand), and inaction(never going out and trying anything). Let them go. You must.

When moving forward, you need to look for someone who is already who you want to become. This individual is doing what you want to do and has what you want to have in your life. They've got the deal you want for you and your family. Identify one of these guys or maybe even a couple of them, if you can find them.

Once you've got a couple of prospects, figure out what they do, where they hang out socially, and get around them. This is a highly simplistic approach, but in the end, this is what it boils down to. If he belongs to a certain club, join it...although it may cause you short-term pain financially. If he hangs out with a certain group, figure out a way to get in with one of the group.

The best angle to come from is the social angle. Truly successful guys like this, pretty much do everything within a circle of people. You must come to them through someone in that circle. This is the quickest way in, without question.

Your getting in with this individual or two is going to come down to how bad you want to get "in there". This is just like everything else that's worthwhile...if it were easy, everybody would be doing it. You must DECIDE you're going to do it, and you do whatever it takes. Plain and simple. You simply will not stop until you get in with these guys. But, again, you have to be invited in. Barreling down the door, stalking the dude, or worse..looking desperate, will result in horrific failure and defeat. You have to be invited in.

I can offer one suggestion. A guy I know wanted in with a certain group of money guys. This group was well-known for commercial development and real estate. My buddy went out and canvassed a ton of businesses, trying to cultivate leads for a new commercial development that these guys were plotting and preparing to build. The result was that my boy was able to bring four or five new businesses to the table to either lease space or purchase the lots these guys held. One of the pre-sold lots was to a bank he knew, they sold the lot for $700,000($610,00 profit) and agreed to have these guys' builder build the new bank branch for them. Long story short, this group of money men opened their inner circle to my buddy and they brought him in on the ownership side of the whole project....with no cash, just his sweat equity....killer effort on his part!

So, to sum up. Get rid of the folks who drag you down. If you can't totally lose them, decide to limit your time with them. Instead of speaking once per day, try keeping your contact with them at once per week. It'll do great things for your journey toward a better life...your vision. Then, find a guy who's got what you want and is doing what you want to do, and get yourself around him. Decide you will earn this spot. Be creative, be persistent, but be yourself.

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